There have been times when I will record video from my laptop webcam and turn 360 degrees, watching it back and critiquing how I look from all angles. I become obsessed with looking at myself, and come up with creative ways to do so. Moments of confidence and high self-esteem vanish the moment I look into a mirror, no matter how hard I try to turn away. JH: How has MD affected you, your relationships, or your career?ĭ: I feel like I’m being held hostage by my MD. For me, and I think other gay people like me, my confidence is based on how I look, if I don’t think I look great, my confidence just goes away. But when I talk to straight guys, they always seem so confident to me, no matter what they look like. JH: Do you think that having a “perfect” appearance is more of an issue for gay people than for heterosexuals? Why?ĭ: Absolutely. I do, however, remember thinking “this is a real thing?” and “there are other people who are just as unhappy as I am?” I can’t remember when I first learned of Body Dysmorphic Disorder. It started slowly in me, but all of this is very addictive, and it just got worse and worse as time went on. JH: How, when, and why, in your opinion, did MD start in your own life?ĭ: When I came of age and started to read gay magazines, all the pictures were of very good-looking, very fit people, I figured I’d better get going and get into shape too. I realize that this doesn’t makes sense, but it’s hard for me not to think like this. If I miss a workout, I think that everything I have worked for is totally gone. I actually turn down social engagements or going out after work, even some job opportunities, because I worry I won’t get to the gym, or the place I am traveling to won’t have a good gym. I worry that my life revolves around how I look and how I think others rate how I look. JH: Do you consider yourself to have MD? BDD? And if so, what does having this condition mean for you?ĭ: Yes, I think I have MD and BDD because I’m just too aware of how I look and check my appearance, my muscles all the time. Maybe if I share my story, someone else will realize they have it and can get help. Also, I’m pretty sure my partner has it and is in denial. Now I realize it is and there is treatment. JH: Please discuss why you decided to speak out about the issue of Muscle Dysmorphia (MD)ĭ: I didn’t associate looking in the mirror so much and being so overly concerned with my body was an illness.
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But I strongly believe that, like AIDS, many people might not know it exists in them, or they think they’re immune to it. And not everyone has the same level of severity. I think that what’s happening with MD is a little like HIV/ AIDS was at first in that nobody really recognized what it was, or talked about it. I realize that some gay people don’t care about how their bodies look, but I think then it’s something else they get caught up in, like their clothes.Īlthough I think things are changing, for a long time being gay was associated with being a sissy, weak, and feminine, building your body was a way of proving you were strong and masculine. The gay world is so competitive about how you look, and there’s a lot of competition out there. Because being gay can be so focused on looks, it’s often hard to concentrate on other parts of your life, like relationships or work.
Muscle gay men professional#
It can affect personal and professional growth and act as a roadblock if you let it consume you. Walk into my gym, or others like it, and you can see the sharp increase in the amount of people taking steroids and other growth hormones. JH: Why do you think MD is such a major problem in the gay community?ĭ: MD, in my opinion, is the most widespread, under-diagnosed, and misunderstood disease to hit the gay community since AIDS.
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The following interview focuses on MD, as experienced through the eyes of one member of the gay community. Speaking Out: Muscle Dysmorphia in the Gay CommunityĪccording to Derek (not his real name), an extremely fit-looking 30-year-old corporate manager whose interview follows below, Muscle Dysmorphia (MD) is “perhaps the most serious problem facing gay men aside from HIV/AIDS.” He is not only passionate regarding sharing his own experiences to help others, but also about raising awareness regarding this significant issue for his community.*Ī great deal of information about MD and BDD may be found throughout this website.